“The problem is that I have ambition.”

 

This is a quote from one of my students.  He is one of the brightest students I have ever taught.  His English is excellent, his work ethnic impeccable, his attitude eager, his potential unlimited.  His dream is to be able to finish high school, go onto University and become an engineer. You might wonder why it is a problem that he has ambition.  It is a problem because the chances of him getting his dream are very slim.  Like so many of my students, he is very poor, the son of a poor farmer.  Today he, and more than half of my class were dismissed for lack of school fees.  School fees are about $150 per year per student.  This is sometimes impossible for a population that makes an average of a little less than a dollar a day.  Is it fair that students who desperately want to learn are denied this basic right because they cannot pay?  Because they are from a poor family?  “The problem is that I have ambition.”  My heart aches for the students like him who want more although their future is most likely staying in their town and doing whatever keeps bread on the table.   

This begs the question- what is my stake in this child?  What is my duty as a Christian?  I am not sure how to answer these questions.  I do believe we are connected as children of God. That these students are my brothers and sisters in Christ and their fate does matter.

Surrender

This God- His way is perfect; the promise of the Lord proves true.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him (Psalms 18)

I am in that 1% of the world's population.  I grew up with clean water, plenty of food, a lovely house, excellent education, and a loving family.  When I would read the Bible and come across verse like the one above I will skim past. Refuge? Sure I had my heartaches and a few problems but nothing I couldn't talk out with family and friends, nothing that consumed my life.  I was worried about a student, I had finals coming up, my dog Strider died. 
At first I was angry looking back at my decision to come to Kenya- that I felt God was leading me there. I was angry that I had been broken- that I experienced what I did and saw what I saw. I remember within the first month of our time David saying "I don't want to see anymore" after a fire ripped apart an informal settlement in Nairobi killing men, women, and children.  I don't want to see God- why are showing me these things???

Today I read this verse with new eyes

This God- His way is perfect; the promise of the Lord proves true.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him

This God- His was is perfect. I know God did not want me to have to experience what I did or see what I have seen.  He loves his children and hates when evil happens to them.  He does not want his creation to be homeless, hungry, used, and unhappy. But He will use these experiences to make me a more understanding teacher, patient wife, sister, daughter, and a more compassionate human. As my dad says- this is a refining year for me. Gold must be refined before is shows its true potential.

The promise of the Lord proves true. Yes, this year has broken me but this reminds me that I can rely on God's promises. I can ask for His protection, companionship, guidance, wisdom, love, and patience. I have never had to rely like this before and it can be painful to learn how selfish and fickle I still am. How I try everything by myself only to fall on my face.  How I need to learn to crawl to God for comfort, forgiveness, and help.

He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. This got me thinking- what if God brought me to Kenya not to break me but to show me what it is like to take refuge in Him? The joy and peace that comes with handing over the impossible to God- daily. To finally need God in a way which I cannot ignore and therefore allow myself to trust and grow in a way which I could not surrounded by my family and friends. Maybe Rick Warren was right when he wrote that the heart of worship is surrender.

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday Blog

Today is the first day of Lent, and since I have not written a blog for a while, its seems a good time to restart. The last few years Amy and I have given up something we wanted to know we could live without (meat, ice cream, cheese, etc.) This year we chose something harder. This year we are giving up living in America.
Some may laugh since we are already giving that up, but this is very serious for us. The last few months have been an intense roller coaster of ups and downs; solace and despair; love and hate; welcomed and bullied.
We are getting used to some things, but every day usually involves a happy high, and a depressed low. Rarely a day passes when neither of think about going home home, back to mommy's arms, and daddy's protection. Rarely a day goes by that does not trigger some recent psychological or emotional scarring.
What keeps us going are the things to look forward to. Aunt Lee Ann's trip in February gave us a chance to rest, relax, reflect, and leave East Africa (without actually leaving East Africa). Next week, during a short term break, we are planning on venturing to Jinja, Uganda and the source of the Nile for some adrenaline-pumping white-water rafting. April (beginning with Easter) will bring a long break between terms, which should include Nairobi (where it is easier for a mzungu to go unnoticed), a YAV retreat (possible to the island of Zanzibar), and other East African adventures. May will bring Mom and Dad Wigger, and June brings the Benish/Wadsworth clan. March (and very appropriately Lent) leaves us with our last, long, challenging period. Our last stretch with little or nothing to look forward to. (We may try to do something/go somewhere for Amy's B-day, March 23, but it won't be far or long.
So for Lent this year, we are giving up living in America, living in familiarity; we are giving up fitting in, being in control, and not being different. This Lent we will push through, hopefully, our toughest month left, and come out stronger on the other side.
During Lent, I always desire to eat meat, crave a piece of chocolate, or sneak a little ice cream when Amy isn't looking. This Lent I will want to go home, will crave a hug from family, and will sneak back to Western society through movies, books, and maybe a night in Kisumu.
But I always come out of Lent stronger. I always leave a better person. I always am proud I made it. And I always come out more faithful. This Lent I am giving up living in America, and hopefully it will help me live in the promise land (or at least catch some glimpses of it.)

Guide my feet...
    while I run this race.
Guide my feet...
    while I run this race.
Guide my feet...
    while I run this race.
For I don't want to run this race in vain.
                       race in vain.

Oh bliss!

Today, for the first time since I left for Tanzania (late September), I took a hot shower.  Oh bliss!  I was convinced that hot showers were overrated and something I didn't really miss.  I was wrong.  I realized (in my nice hot shower today) that taking a cold shower was kind of like doing the hokey pokey- stick your hand in quickly pull your hand out, realize you still have soap on it so put your hand back in and shake it all about.

Teaching in Ratta and address

       Teaching in rural Kenya is VERY different from teaching in the states.  The classrooms are small with no lights and instead of a smart board and whiteboard, there is a white wall that was painted black for a chalkboard.  There are about 40-50 students crammed into the classroom that would hold about 10 at the most in DC.  The students caned and the teacher don't always show up to class. 

   This, however is why I am still in Kenya.  I love teaching these students.  They are attentive and very eager to learn.  I have no classroom management problems- NONE!  As a teacher who is used to being part entertainer, part parent, and part teacher, I cannot believe how much I can teach with students who do not act out!  My only problem has been getting them to talk!  They are so used to just quietly studying or just copying what is on the board, it feels like pulling teeth to get them to answer questions or discuss.  They tell David and I they want MORE homework and MORE quizzes.  They love any creativity and laugh easily.  In many ways, teaching in Ratta is a teacher's dream!

Many of these student will have to drop out because of money problems before they graduate.  Graduation here also does not mean college.  There is a board of the top student every year for the last 22 years.  Out of those 22 years, only 10 students managed to start college. Poverty is a huge issue in Ratta, Kenya, and the world.  It hurts to know my eager students who are doing whatever they can to learn as much as they can will not have the opportunities so many of my students in the states that for granted.  That I took for granted. 

We have been posting a lot of the emotional rollercoaster this year has been.  Although I am still on that ride (alas!) I wanted to post something more tangible that we are doing and feeling fulfilled in doing. 

We also got our first package today! (Thank you Greg and April!!!)  Sending mail takes from 2-4 weeks but here is our address:

Ratta Mixed Secondary School
attn: Amy and Davis Wigger
P.O. Box 132
Kombewa, Kenya, 40102

Back to Ratta

 

Dearest friends and family,

        David and I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and wish everyone a very happy new year! We have spent the last month in Nairobi since our students are on their term break but we are heading back to Ratta on Wednesday.  We have had a rough month and both thought of going home but it is such a comfort to us that we know we are surrounded by your prayers.  We also appreciate your notes of love and support.  Please continue praying for us in the new year.  We miss you all! 

Love,

Amy and David

Happy Christmas!

Hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! We are thinking a lot about all of you these days. Thanks for your support and continued prayers.

Love,
Amy and David