“The problem is that I have ambition.”

 

This is a quote from one of my students.  He is one of the brightest students I have ever taught.  His English is excellent, his work ethnic impeccable, his attitude eager, his potential unlimited.  His dream is to be able to finish high school, go onto University and become an engineer. You might wonder why it is a problem that he has ambition.  It is a problem because the chances of him getting his dream are very slim.  Like so many of my students, he is very poor, the son of a poor farmer.  Today he, and more than half of my class were dismissed for lack of school fees.  School fees are about $150 per year per student.  This is sometimes impossible for a population that makes an average of a little less than a dollar a day.  Is it fair that students who desperately want to learn are denied this basic right because they cannot pay?  Because they are from a poor family?  “The problem is that I have ambition.”  My heart aches for the students like him who want more although their future is most likely staying in their town and doing whatever keeps bread on the table.   

This begs the question- what is my stake in this child?  What is my duty as a Christian?  I am not sure how to answer these questions.  I do believe we are connected as children of God. That these students are my brothers and sisters in Christ and their fate does matter.

Surrender

This God- His way is perfect; the promise of the Lord proves true.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him (Psalms 18)

I am in that 1% of the world's population.  I grew up with clean water, plenty of food, a lovely house, excellent education, and a loving family.  When I would read the Bible and come across verse like the one above I will skim past. Refuge? Sure I had my heartaches and a few problems but nothing I couldn't talk out with family and friends, nothing that consumed my life.  I was worried about a student, I had finals coming up, my dog Strider died. 
At first I was angry looking back at my decision to come to Kenya- that I felt God was leading me there. I was angry that I had been broken- that I experienced what I did and saw what I saw. I remember within the first month of our time David saying "I don't want to see anymore" after a fire ripped apart an informal settlement in Nairobi killing men, women, and children.  I don't want to see God- why are showing me these things???

Today I read this verse with new eyes

This God- His way is perfect; the promise of the Lord proves true.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him

This God- His was is perfect. I know God did not want me to have to experience what I did or see what I have seen.  He loves his children and hates when evil happens to them.  He does not want his creation to be homeless, hungry, used, and unhappy. But He will use these experiences to make me a more understanding teacher, patient wife, sister, daughter, and a more compassionate human. As my dad says- this is a refining year for me. Gold must be refined before is shows its true potential.

The promise of the Lord proves true. Yes, this year has broken me but this reminds me that I can rely on God's promises. I can ask for His protection, companionship, guidance, wisdom, love, and patience. I have never had to rely like this before and it can be painful to learn how selfish and fickle I still am. How I try everything by myself only to fall on my face.  How I need to learn to crawl to God for comfort, forgiveness, and help.

He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. This got me thinking- what if God brought me to Kenya not to break me but to show me what it is like to take refuge in Him? The joy and peace that comes with handing over the impossible to God- daily. To finally need God in a way which I cannot ignore and therefore allow myself to trust and grow in a way which I could not surrounded by my family and friends. Maybe Rick Warren was right when he wrote that the heart of worship is surrender.